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Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2014 6:31 AM

Subject: OUTA SPACE #19

Good day E-Club members.

Herewith OUTA SPACE #19.

There is an extra charge for reading OUTA SPACE this fortnight. After much deliberation it was agreed that the charge would only be R20 which is in line with similar publications.

Happy reading

Warmest regards

Gerald Sieberhagen

From: April Fall (Ms) pp T. Green & Bunker
Sent: 01 April 2014 05:31 PM
To: Gerald Sieberhagen
Subject: Re: OUTA SPACE #19

Dear Mr Sieberhagen

re. OUTA SPACE Issue 19

We write in regard to the outrageous charge imposed, as far as one can see by yourself alone, for reading the unsolicited attachment entitled OUTA SPACE Issue 19 received by our Client this First Day of April 2014.

Our Client is SHOCKED and wishes to protest in the strongest possible terms to such unfore-warned and unexpected financial imposition. 

Having cogitated for some time on the matter – and in doing so missed a rather important tee time at his golf club, such was his distress – our Client, with some degree of profligacy in our opinion and against our advice, decided to open the offending attachment. However, he has asked us to point out that he read only a few sentences of the Editor’s customary missive and then jumped to “….once again, we are now OUTA SPACE”.

We would therefore request that you issue a credit note in the sum of R19 in favour of our Client without delay. We advised our Client that he had certainly not read one twentieth of the publication but, in typical generosity of spirit, he insisted that he round the sum up to One Rand. That is typical of the man.

In the event that we do not receive the aforementioned credit note by return, our Client reserves the right to publish a parallel publication which he intends to call “OUTA LOLLY” at a readership cost of R10 without further notice.

Yours etc.

April Fall (Ms)

pp T. Green & Bunker

     Attorneys to the Golfing Fraternity

From: Gerald Sieberhagen

Sent: 04/01/14 05:04 PM

Subject: OUTA SPACE #19

Dear Ms Fell

In response to the claim from your esteemed client I need to point out that having received a ‘read receipt’ from your said client this was indeed tacit evidence that the entire OUTA SPACE document was indeed accessed and was therefore available to read and knowing the inquisitive nature of your said client it is impossible that he did not read the entire document so it is with much regret that no consideration can be given to passing a credit note for the simple reason that it is not in the normal course of the E-Club to pass such items.

However, to provide some further value I have appended below an extract from one of the recipients which indeed showed that at least one of our members was not aware of the date today. To succeed with just one made my day.

To prevent possible litigation the names have been omitted/disguised.

Yours in solicitation


From: Gerald Sieberhagen Sent: 01 April 2014 10:47 AM
To: someone Subject: RE: OUTA SPACE #19

Dear Star See belowWRGerald

From: Concerned member
Sent: 01 April 2014 10:27 AM
To: Gerald Sieberhagen
Subject: Re: OUTA SPACE #19

Dear Gerald

Why the extra charge? Gerald – Because we are running a bit short on funds – HL&S.

Kind Regards

Con’cerned member

From: Wattsisname

Sent: 02 April 2014 10:10 AM
To: Gerald Sieberhagen
Subject: Re: OUTA SPACE #19

Dear Mr Sieberhagen

Thank you for your reply dated 1st April, the contents of which are noted.

We would argue that the “read receipt” you received cannot reasonably confirm that my Client actually “read” the entire contents of the contentious periodical but simply that he “accessed” it. We would respectfully point out that your declared terms for this outrageous financial imposition are “reading” the missive in question.  It is therefore an huge, highly imaginative and unreasonable assumption to contend that my Client read, digested and considered your entire circular on the basis that he simply accessed it, a fact that my Client does not dispute.

We would propose a swift dispatch of the previously mentioned credit note in favour of our Client to prevent the issue of this circular going round and round.

My Client appreciates the issues of further value that you raise. He asks me to convey his suspicion that there may be additional incidents of further value to follow, whilst other parties consider their positions. He also would like to point out that one school of thought could lead to a Class Action.

Yours etc. etc.

April Fall (Ms)

pp T. Green & Bunker

From: Gerald Sieberhagen

Sent: 04/02/14 07:00 PM

Good day Ms Fallen

My client C Gerald Sieberhagen Esq has given me sight of your esteemed Wattsisname claim and at the outset I must agree that your client may have read a very limited amount of the said publication OUTA SPACE No 19. However on further investigation it transpires that had he read the publication and not just afforded the said publication a cursory glance he would surely have noticed that Page 5 [referred to on page 1 which your client alleges he read] was omitted from the publication. Now as heretofore stated your client has an inquisitive and probably more aptly an enquiring mind which leads me to believe that without a shadow of doubt, your esteemed client, Wattsisname, would have just had a peak at Page 5 and when he discovered that it was missing, which no doubt he would have, he then proceeded to search through the entire document in an endeavour to locate said page 5 which in our opinion is unequivocal evidence that in fact on the First day of April in the year of two thousand and fourteen your client did in fact read the entire document.

My client therefore demands compensation of our costs and furthermore has indicated that he reserves the right to make further representation for the recovery of costs for pain and suffering and for compensation for missing an important, and in fact only, net practice prior to his departure for the UK for a cricketing extravaganza in July.  

In closing your client should be cautioned that should the school of thought which may result in class action be pursued we will have the book thrown at him as there are many available to do such with.

Yours etc, etc, etc

I M Stumped [QC]

pp Wicked, Pitch & Balls

From: T. Green & Bunker

Sent: 03 April 2014 07:24 PM
To: Gerald Sieberhagen
Dear Counsel Stumped

I am surprised that you already know that I have taken over this case from Ms April Fall.

I am not sure what “QC” stands for in your country as, to my knowledge, you have no monarch and are no longer part of the British Umpire. I am concerned it may be “Queer as a Coot” but hope not, as all the Coots that I have come into contact with were jolly good eggs (at some point). I wonder where the origin of that saying lies?

My Client, the venerable Wattsisname, is grateful for you pointing out that page 5 was missing. We would contend that, as by your own admission this is the case, the missive was never published as a complete edition. It can therefore only be regarded as OUTA VORDER, rather than OUTA SPACE. Furthermore, my Client, the (occasionally) Honourable Wattsisname, could hardly “peak” at something that wasn’t there!

I therefore contend that my Client, the Esteemed Wattsisname, has no case to answer and will not consider any further supplications.

My Client also notes, with some surprise, that you are clearly not VAT registered as you missed nett practice. He is stumped as to how you may account for this?

My Client, the Extraordinarily Magnanimous Wattsisname, has instructed me to propose that he will withdraw his threat of litigation should your client, C Gerald Soobihoogan Esq., agree to do the same. Any other solution would just not be cricket. He is also mindful of avoiding any in-crease in legal fees.

Over and out!!!

Yours etc. etc. etc. etc.

Cresta Fallen (Ms) LLB, LBW

pp T. Green & Bunker



From: pp Wicked, Pitch & Balls

Sent: 04/03/14 07:21 PM

Dear MZ Cresta Fallen LLB LBW

We have noticed with great interest that your Honourable Client Wattsisname appears to be either bunkered or in a hazardous position. However, in a spirit of complete and utter benevolence my client Soobighoogan Esq has agreed to withdraw any thought that he may have had of pursuing this matter any further.

It is with a certain degree of mirth that you, being in the legal field, are not aware of the letters QC beyond the boundaries of your dear QE2. In our country it is commonly used by those who represent our Government and its Officials – QC = Quite Concerned.

He accepts of course that the said OUTA SPACE No 19 [exhibit 1] should more aptly have been titled OUTA VORDER!

So to level the playing field, which is almost impossible for those who pursue a smallish white ball, and as our client is of a charitable nature and therefore exempt from VAT my client accepts your clients Magnumous gesture of gratefully withdrawing gracefully.

Yours in £££££

I M Stumped [QR]

pp Wicked, Pitch & Balls

PS. [off the record] MZ Cresta Fallen we really need to get together sometime and think about how we will spend the fees that we have earned simply because 2 persons have been unable to reach consensus in a matter of which the importance was foolishly trivial.

From: Cresta Fallen (Ms)
Sent: 04 April 2014 09:46 AM
To: I M Stumped [QR]

Without Prejudice

 Dear I M Stumped

Yes, we really must get together to enjoy the spoils.

I’m sure that you will appreciate that “foolishly trivial” events, such as the case in point, are the norm in our industry rather than the exception.

On consulting my “trivial event celebration diary”, I see that I am fully booked until the lunchtime of April 1st 2015. Might that suit?

We must, of course, be mindful that a quick, cordial conclusion/solution on behalf of any punter – excuse me, Client – is not in our professional interests and should be avoided at all times. I think you did a jolly good job in keeping the billing clock ticking on this one. The great test, of course, will be if C Gerald Soobihoogan Esq calls on your services again in the future!

Yours in soliciting

Cresta Fallen (Ms)

Head of Corpulent Affairs

T. Green & Bunker

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